I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
