she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
