we have pet lesbian snakes
she smelled like a LAN party
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
