Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
