she kept yelling 'call me bella'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
