How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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