the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
