mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
