My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
