guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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