There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
