that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
