I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
