wanna go halves on a baby?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
