Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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