god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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