walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
