she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
