as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
