Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
