I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
