I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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