Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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