I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
