I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
