dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
