I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
