I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
