I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
