i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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