ugly people sure do ruin things
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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