this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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