my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
