Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
