true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
