That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
