I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
