i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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