remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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