just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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