And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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