If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
