peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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