I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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