You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
