my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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