if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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