I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
