I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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