Already got asked if we're dating
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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