i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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